How to Make a Decision

By on June 29, 2013
woman with questionmarks above her head

By Joel Boggess –

In the first phase of her relationship, she did the lion’s share of the heavy lifting: paid the bills; made the mortgage and kept up with appearances and responsibilities.

While she was doing what she knew had to be done, like a butterfly lost in the wind, her health, temperament and patience were being swept away.

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She was educated, well liked and very practical in her ideas and actions. Shelly also knew she was on earth for a reason and part of some bigger plan; she just couldn’t figure out where to look or how to start.

When she and I first started working together, like she had done for most of her adult life, she tried to apply the “rules” and “conditions” she had picked up along the way; hoping they would help her make better sense out of the mixed messages her body and spirit were sending her.

In her own words, she was “stuck” and was ready to use whatever lever was needed to pry loose.

My challenge to Shelly: “Feel your way through”.

Here’s what I mean – While most of us learn to rely on our understanding, knowledge and intellect to resolve challenges and to solve problems, we’re often also taught to ignore, sideline, or distract ourselves from the emotional hints, clues, and reminders that are pointing us to a better direction.

As logical thinkers and hands-on doers, many of us have lost touch with the triggers that are embedded in the essence of who we are. And, unfortunately, the consequences of editing or denying one’s own feelings come with a hefty price tag – spiritual unrest, migraines, a loss of hope or worse.

How do you make the best decision? Develop a healthy trust in your emotional conversation; learn from its clues and act on its cues.

There’s an ancient Script that says “out of the heart flow the springs of life”. Your emotions and God, live in your heart.

Here are three easy-to-use ideas that will help you reconnect with God, your emotional guidance system and the next, right decision for you.

  • Put yourself on a low information diet.

For many families, it’s a generational habit – watch the morning news for a recap, watch the evening news for the latest. That’s what mom, dad, grandma and grandpa did.

The challenge we face today, one that grandma never saw coming, is that the “news” is no longer waiting for us, it is now coming at us. And, as the demands are continually being raised for our time and attention, continuous streams of information have overloaded our capacity and spun us into non-stop reaction mode.

Thought-starters – Risk missing the latest from the “situation room” and turn off the TV. You won’t let your kid watch certain programs. Guess what? The inner child in you, needs that same sort of protection. Be willing to curb the social media urge – Build boundaries around your email, Facebook, and other pinging, ringing distractions.

Many people fill their lives with noise to escape their true, innermost feelings. Do yourself and your family a wonderful service, don’t be one of them.

  •  Take time for your life.

For some, the words meditation or reflective prayer, conjure images of yogis sitting in the lotus position for hours on end. If contortions aren’t your thing, don’t worry. My wife, Pei, is a yoga devotee. She will tell you that you don’t need a mat to clear your mind, to get in touch with what stirs you. All you need is a little time and a quiet space.

Quick-start idea: Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Then, for ten minutes, clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Once you get the rhythm of your breathing down (it will probably happen around the count of ten or twenty) thoughts will begin to fill the space you just created. Choose a thought that brings you hope and joy. Explore through it. If your thought, idea, or fantasy moves you deeply, stay with it. Don’t wander off. Resist the temptation to grade or analyze the value or worth of what you are feeling.

Be fully present and allow yourself to be lost in the experience.

Thought starters – How creative will you let yourself be? Will you dim the lights? Use candles? Play soft music? Have a partner? This is a wonderful opportunity to give yourself the gift of a real moment.

Scientists say that people who regularly meditate learn how to handle life with less stress and often experience relief from chronic pain and other medical  & psychological problems. Results from a medical study show that meditation decreases the frequency of menopausal women’s hot flashes by an average of 39%.

  • Be childlike.

When a little girl or boy walks up to a playground, they’re not judging, criticizing or thinking about the end result. Their eyes are full of possibilities and opportunities.  Their attention and energy are focused on the experience.

Throw out the rulebook, detach yourself from the outcome and do something simply for the fun of it.

You are welcome to do these steps in order, backward or in any combination or sequence you’d like. Learning how to touch your emotions and feel your way through is not about following rigid, step-by-step instructions, it’s about exploration, growth, and development.

These three ideas are from my latest eBook, 7 Days to Self Care, and have helped many along their journey. For the full download with our compliments, go to You should get immediate access to the eBook, once you register.

“Like” our fun, updated Facebook page for the latest ideas, tips, and Finding your Voice tools.

Joel Boggess is the go-to guy for clarity, confidence, and direction. He’s the guy people call when they’re feeling stuck, under-challenged, or overwhelmed. As a radio host, author, and motivational speaker, Joel teaches professionals and women on-the-go how to find that “something more” they desire for their lives. His passion and expertise is connecting people with who they really are, what excites them, and what they stand for. He and his wife Pei live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and have two Golden Retrievers, Bubba and Jake.


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How to Make a Decision