Trust Me, There Is Life After Betrayal

By on April 8, 2011

By Maryann Ehmann –

Anyone remember the song from the 70’s…

“I’ve been cheated.  Been mistreated.  When will I, I be loved?  I’ve been put down.  I’ve been pushed round. When will I be loved?  I’ve been made blue.  I’ve been lied to.  When will I be loved?”

Besides my own frequent bouts with betrayal, I have a coaching practice filled with people who can’t seem to move forward because of a past betrayal.  Whether it’s a spouse who has chosen a younger model; a friend who’s lied to you; or a boss who continually puts you down, it’s devastating.   There’s this mind-numbing, heart-gripping whirlwind of emotion that screams, “What?  How?  It’s not supposed to be this way!!”

Betrayal is traumatic, no matter what the age. But it is particularly traumatic if it happens to a woman in her 50’s.

While the 50’s can be a blissful time when wisdom, experience, and knowledge converge, it can also be a time when anxiety about aging and being less attractive and valued have reached a brand new high.  Betrayal attacks our very identity and how we see ourselves at its deepest level.

Unresolved issues of the past may loom large, exacerbating the wounds and lies of the betrayal.  And it is not uncommon to look in the mirror and see nothing but an increase of wrinkles and ashen skin.

If you have a history of betrayal or any kind of rejection, (and really, who doesn’t?), without realizing it, you could have built a strong fortress around your delicate heart.

The paradox is:  protecting yourself only ensures your heart to ache all the more.

So, how do you stop the raging cry within, the one that exhausts your energy supply?

  • First, you stop it with a decision. You decide you do not accept betrayal.  You decide you do not accept the lie that you are worthy of rejection and alimentation.   You decide that you will not be consumed with worry, bitterness, and insufficiency.  You decide you will only allow what you deserve.  No kicking and screaming are necessary.  Just quiet resolve, but you must decide.
  • Second, deepen your relationship with God and seek His view of you.  He holds an image of you that you have either lost or never had, an image of exquisite beauty and value that He will impart to you.  See yourself in His arms, being cared for and caressed.
  • Third, determine to spend some time learning who you are.  Resist any thoughts that try to convince you that you deserve less in life.  As farfetched as it may seem, you are destined, even still, for greatness.
  • And of course, fourth… and do this for you… forgive.  Letting the person who betrayed you off the hook buys you your freedom and releases you to this new image, a truer, more accurate image of who you really are.

As one who has had plenty experience with betrayal, let me encourage you:  You deserve better, and there is a way to get it.

Maryann Ehmann, a former prosecutor, financial advisor, and teacher, has 25 years of spiritual and business coaching experience, leading people out of the pit of despair, unto solid ground, and helping them soar in their true identity, purpose, and dreams.   She is a popular speaker and the author of “Have I Ever Told You, You’re My Favorite! The Importance of Feeling Special.” For More Information You Can Visit Her Website At: http://www.haveievertoldyou.com/

About Maryann Ehmann

Maryann lives in western New York with her husband Gene who is a private investigator, pastor and author. She loves to cook and travel and enjoy time with her family and friends. She has four incredible children, two of whom she home schooled, and eight delightful grandchildren. For More Information You Can Visit Her Website At: http://www.haveievertoldyou.com/.

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Trust Me, There Is Life After Betrayal