Related By Chance, Family By Choice

By Deb DeArmond –

Deb DeArmond has gone where few have gone before: she’s tackled the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law dilemma. In her new book, Related By Chance, Family By Choice, (Kregel Publications) Deb pulls back the curtain for a close examination through surveys, focus groups and interviews to discover just what makes this relationship among the toughest most women will ever face.

What’s the problem? We are two women who love the same man. One as mother, the other as wife. You would expect we might bond over our mutual admiration over the man-in-the-middle. We know the other woman must be bright; she sees him as wonderful too. But that’s not usually how it plays out. Each may feel the need to mark her territory as a warning to all trespassers: “Step back! He’s mine.” MIL has seniority and tenure on her side. DIL . . . well, let’s say she may have some other advantages that often trump the mama card.

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We are pleased to share an excerpt with you today from Deb’s book. What started as a status update on Facebook to wish her daughters-in-law a happy Mother’s Day grew into the conversation that became this book.

PREFACE: THE GIRLS

Written on Mother’s Day 2011 and posted on Facebook

My Sons married incredible women. Each of them followed our advice, and all three “married up.” Way up. If I could have selected wives for my boys from a catalog, it would have been these three: Sarah, Heather, and Penny—listed in the order they came into our lives. As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow, I want to take a moment to recognize my girls.

Sarah was the first, and she was also the first one to refer to me as her “mother-in-love.” It blesses me each time she says it. I’ve known Sarah from the time she was thirteen. That’s more than half her life, and I can’t imagine my life without her. Sassy, smart, and amazing. She is a wonderful mom, and she loves my son Jordan fiercely. She is our redhead.

Our brunette is Heather. I met her when she was sixteen. She is married to my son Cameron. She told me once that when she was single, she couldn’t imagine calling anyone but her own mother “Mom.” But the bond between us is such that she said she could never call me anything else. What a sweet honor. Caring, smart, and genuine. Awesome wife. She will be an incredible mother—hopefully, in the not too distant future.

So that leaves the blonde spot open. And son Bryce filled it when he married our wonderful Penny. “Mama Deb” is her sweet name for me—and I love it. Penny was twenty-eight when she joined the family and completed our set. There was an open place in my heart God created just for her, and my heart recognized her the moment I met her. Amazing wife and mother. Talented writer and runner.

These are the daughters of my heart.

I want to thank their moms for sharing them with me. Dru, Melody, Pam—you all did an amazing job. God bless each of you for the years you invested in bringing them up. My life is richer because I am backup mother to your girls.

And girls—remember how much I love you!

So how did we get here? How have we sidestepped the typical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law agony? What did we do? How do we maintain it? Is it always without its challenges? That’s what this book intends to explore. We are not smarter, luckier, or more spiritual than the average MIL/DIL. What we are is determined to be united as a family and just intelligent enough to know that we can’t do it without Jesus!

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You can find Deb’s book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and ChristianBooks.com. Connect with Deb at her website Deb DeArmond/Family Matters where the focus is always on the ones you love!  Find her at http://www.debdearmond.com

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Related By Chance, Family By Choice
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