Quitting the Blame Game for Women Over 50

How do you behave when something goes wrong? Do you pause to gauge your part in the matter, accept responsibility, and move toward a solution? Perhaps you immediately look for someone else—anyone else—to blame? By making it someone else’s fault, we gain a sense of control and righteousness about life. While blaming others may justify your pride and desire to always be right, we can never take responsibility and improve.

Many athletes will always be heard speaking of how their opponent or the weather was responsible for their loss. Forever pointing the finger at the ‘they’ whose fault everything allows us to escape the wrath and not change anything. Without changing anything, the results will inevitably be the same!

Are you a blamer?

Blaming others will relinquish our ability to feel inner peace and joy. The “Blamer” is one of eight power patterns that take over when we allow an out-of-control ego to run the show. They distort our Divine Power and keep us from living our best life. The Blamer sabotages us by harming our ability to build trusting relationships, both at home and in the workplace—anyplace, really, where people feel unsafe to make mistakes, be authentic, and tell the truth. When we’re prone to finger-pointing, others will naturally avoid us, or suppress facts they know we won’t like or even outright lie.

If you’re a Blamer, you have an enormous rulebook of how others ought to behave. Your transactions are based on if: ‘If you do this, I will be happy.’ ‘If you don’t say this, I will feel comfortable.’ Yet this inevitably leads to unhappiness since the world will never obey your every command or align with all of your personal rules.

Here are a few tips for taming your inner Blamer:

Commit to never again blame another person for your choices

Promise yourself to never utter words that imply you are not 100 percent responsible for your life. Don’t feed the notion that something or someone else is responsible for your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or actions.

Become a “blame watchdog” 

Be vigilant to the moment you think or say words that indicate blame. Stop mid-sentence or mid-thought and replace that blame with words that are the true source of power. If you think, She never makes up her mind and expects me to make all the decisions for her, say out loud, “STOP.” Feel the love you have at that moment for the person.

“Ask yourself, What do I love about this person?” Perhaps it’s kindness. You could say, ‘She is kind and loving to my kids and me. I do not wish to change her; only need to change me. I let go of all blame now.’ Saying this frees you from the vicious never-ending cycle that blame creates.

Embrace the “Law of Change” 

This is one of the powerful laws of nature that Blamer’s struggle with. The Law of Change tells us that nothing in life stays the same. Plants and animals live in a constant state of growth, decay, and rebirth. Humans tend to resist change—especially whatever they interpret as difficult change. When we resist the Law of Change, we can turn outward, blaming, complaining, and repeating the same story or circumstances to others.

Remember this powerful quote: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Only when we set down our addiction to blame will we ever fully enter a field of possibility. Keep these powerful words prominent and visible for your day-to-day activities. When you are dealing with Blamer energy, you’ll need to be reminded of this truth.

Learn from the past

If you have felt enormous betrayal in your life, and you feel justified to blame someone, ask yourself, Why didn’t I listen to my intuition about this? What inside me refused to receive the clear intuition that was available to me all along? When you reflect deeply on these questions and make the commitment to never blame another again, you will be well on your way to releasing this power pattern.

It’s so tempting to blame others for how you are feeling, but this is a shortcut around dealing with your own insecurities that damages your life in many ways. Commit yourself to the belief that you are truly enough, you no longer need the drama of blaming others for your unhappiness. Blaming energy dissolves, your blossoming relationships drive home the message of your inherent worth.

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