By Sylvia Henderson –
“Is it okay that I still feel upset even though that event is in the past, no longer present in my life? After all this time, I shouldn’t still be feeling this pain should I? How do I know when it is time to move on, knowing my grief has been addressed and processed in a healthy manner?
Furthermore, how in the world do I get through this and move on?” Many of us ask these questions regarding losses in our lives. This is the process of moving through the path of pain.
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Knowledge is power. It is knowing that some pain will always be there in a crevasse of the heart, whether it is the pain of divorce, death of a loved one, loss of health, or separation of friendships; or, whether it is being misunderstood, being betrayed by someone we thought we could trust, or being alone. Know that losses and the resulting pain are a normal part of life, of human experience.
When we have lived as long as we have, there have been many opportunities to deal with, and move through, these circumstances. That being said, some of us are still caught in the path of pain. How in the world do we move beyond and get on a different path, once we have felt the pain, cried our tears, and called out to God?
Fortunately, there are many things we can do to move through, and eventually leave, the path of pain. First of all, know that what we think about a situation, and what we dwell upon, is directly related to our feelings and our behaviors. Our thoughts actually become our reality. The bible says to think upon “whatever is sure, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, [and whatever is] excellent or praiseworthy.” We are to train our minds to focus on the positive, to praise and rejoice, in order to leave the path and turn our faces towards the Son. Don’t keep going back over what happened. It is in the past, water under the bridge, and is alive only in our minds. In order to move on, we must leave something behind, leave our old ways of thinking.
Secondly, we ought to evaluate how we are doing in terms of diet, exercise, relationships, work, self care, stress reduction, play and creativity, and spirituality. A change in just one of these areas has profound results in our moods and health, exercise being number one (Always check with your physician before implementing an exercise program.) Personally, when my “happy-tank” (as I like to call it) is getting low, I evaluate myself, and ask how I am doing on this list, what is missing or lacking. Then I take action. Knowledge and action must go together in order to feel better, and this is totally up to the individual, no one else.
Knowing we will experience grief and pain as we travel our paths, this being normal, we can choose to respond in ways that determine how long we stay in those painful places. We can decide to dwell on the positive, choose to allow God’s spirit to replace our pain with joy, and know that in our weakness he is strong and healing us. In order to move on and feel better, I can think better and fill my mind with positive thoughts, as well as make behavioral changes in my life.
Moreover, we can be sure to include trusted friends in our journey. We can tell them about our pain, and ask them to pray with and for us. We are not created to face our trials alone; we need each other, as well as our Lord. Then, one day we will all meet to celebrate, where there will be no more pain or sorrow. I look forward to our meeting there.
Sylvia Henderson has a private practice in Oregon, where she received her Master’s in Counseling Psychology from the University of Oregon at the age of 43.
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