How to Care for Your Parents, Children, and Yourself

By on August 27, 2013

Sometimes, menopause’s biggest challenges aren’t related to hormones at all. Sometimes, they have more to do with our roles in our lives and families.

Case in point: During menopause, more and more of us are gaining membership to the aptly named “Sandwich Generation,” a group marked by its responsibility to simultaneously care for both its children and parents. So if it seems like everybody wants (scratch that, needs) something from you these days, you’re not alone.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the term “Sandwich Generation” has become more common in the last two decades. Currently, about one-in-seven middle-aged adults provides financial support to both an aging parent and a child, according to the Pew Research Center. It’s not difficult to see why: While young workers are buried with student loan debt and low wages, the elderly face dual challenges in record-high life expectancy rates and declining retirement savings. Often, we are the ones caught between the two generations.

natural sunscreen with zinc oxide

Perhaps even more taxing than dishing out dough is the fact that nearly four-in-ten people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support, according to the Pew Research Center. More often than not, women are providing this shoulder to lean on. After all we are frequently the emotional “rocks” of our families.

According to Jody Gastfriend, the senior care expert for, when it comes to making your life in the “Sandwich Generation” work for you and yours, the best offense is a good defense. Here are three ways to care for yourself when balancing the responsibilities of caring for both children and parents.

mmjjul29229x2001. Have a Preemptive Talk

“Trying to make decisions in the midst of a crisis is far from optimal. The best time to discuss long term care needs is when things are calm, before your loved ones actually need help,” says Gastfriend. Discussing living arrangements, homecare, financial resources, fears, and concerns, can help ease everyone’s minds. For example, many caretakers unnecessarily worry about their parents moving in with them, when the fact of the matter is that their parents don’t want to live with them either! They might prefer to move to an assisted living facility with their friends when the time comes. You can’t know until you have an open conversation with them.

2. Don’t Try to Do It Alone

You are amazing, but you can’t try to be Superwoman. Think: Who in your life can support you and your responsibilities? Your husband, siblings, children, and even professional caregivers can help. “Hiring outside help just a few hours a week may be worth it,” Gastfriend says. It can give you a needed break for “me” time. If dollars and cents are your biggest stressor, consider speaking with a financial advisor (this can be someone you pay or someone you access thru a social service agency) who can help with realistic goal setting, continuous savings adjustments, and account rebalancing.

3. Determine Your Benefits

“If you are in the workplace, find out if your organization has benefits to support caregiving employees,” Gastfriend recommends. Many companies have eldercare programs that include referrals to caregiver resources in the community, on-site support groups for working caregivers, and discounted backup homecare for emergency needs, according to the AARP Public Policy Institute. What’s more, your boss may be open to arranging a more flexible work schedule for you that allows you to deliver on all fronts.

We want to be there for the people we love—but it can be draining. When we are left dry and exhausted (physically, emotionally or financially), what can we possibly give to others? No matter our caregiving responsibilities and roles, caring for ourselves—our financial, emotional, and hormonal health—has to come first. Put yourself on your own To Do list for a change! If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t truly take care of anyone else. After all, you and your family deserve the happiest, healthiest you!

Remember: Reaching out is IN! Suffering in silence in OUT!


Originally posted on Menopause Mondays.

About Ellen Dolgen

For Ellen Dolgen, menopause education is a mission. Spurred by her own experience struggling with the symptoms of menopause, Dolgen has devoted the last ten years of her life to helping other women during this often difficult time. While she’s not a doctor or scientist, she’s “talked the talk” with countless menopause experts, so that she can “walk the menopause walk” and share the keys to this menopause kingdom.

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

How to Care for Your Parents, Children, and Yourself