Alone For the Holidays?

By Lori Latimer –

In late September, I noticed a trend in a group of separated and divorced women I’m involved with. These women span a range of ages from mothers with younger children to women who have grandchildren. But regardless of their ages or current life situations, the underlying theme was the same: they all started becoming anxious about the upcoming holidays. What stood out was the fact that they all started thinking and worrying about this 2 or 3 months ahead of time.

We all know that the holidays can be stressful for anyone – married, divorced, or widowed, your relationship status doesn’t matter. But when you’re single for any reason, it adds a whole new layer of complexity to the situation.

Even if you have family, whether it’s children, grandchildren, siblings, or parents, it’s a difficult time of year to be alone. If you’re currently single by choice and generally happy about being single, something about this time of year makes us all melancholy and the loneliness can creep in unexpectedly.

There are some things you can do to help make the holiday season a little brighter for yourself – and for others as well.

1. Start new traditions. This is especially important if it’s your first holiday season as a single woman. If you’ve always hosted holiday celebrations at your house, ask someone else to host them. If you don’t have any family to spend the holidays with, get some other single friends together to share the time with. The point is to just do things differently than you did when you were married so you don’t have all the reminders of the past.

2. Volunteer. It’s easy to fall into the self-pity trap during the holidays. One of the best ways to stay out of that is to do some volunteer work. Whether it’s at a soup kitchen, a retirement or nursing home, a hospital, or countless other places, there’s nothing like helping others in need to remind yourself of just how blessed your life truly is.

3. Adopt a pet. Pets are so therapeutic and full of such unconditional love, and there’s no better time to adopt a new little furry creature to spoil and fall in love with! So visit your local animal shelter and see if one of those little four-legged angels steals your heart.

4. Be kind – to yourself. Splurge a little and buy yourself a gift. I’d suggest some beautiful lingerie! Take a trip. Buy some luxurious bubble bath and body lotion. Go for a drive in the country or to the beach, or go for a walk in nature. Treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you.

5. Homemade gifts. Bake cookies or bread and give them as gifts. If you like to scrapbook or do other crafts, make something, like mini scrapbooks or cards. People love homemade gifts, and it’s so gratifying to give a gift that you took the time to make. And speaking of time, making homemade gifts is a wonderful way to fill some of the empty time you may find you have.

6. Give thanks. Make a list of all the things you have to be thankful for in your life. It’s tempting to focus on what you don’t have at this time of year, when in fact we all have so much to be grateful for. I’d challenge you to make a list of 3 to 5 things you’re grateful for every night before you go to bed. It can be something as simple as waking up in the morning, or someone holding a door open for you. Commit to doing this every night of the year. You will be amazed at how much this can change your outlook on your life.

No matter what you choose to do or how you choose to spend the holidays, there will likely be moments when the loneliness feels unbearable. When that happens, remember that the feeling is only temporary and won’t last forever. And if you decide that you really don’t want to spend another holiday season alone, then make a commitment to yourself to make 2012 the year you become the person you want to be to attract the partner that’s exactly right for you!

Lori Latimer helps women work the issues they face as newly-single women. After working as a paralegal in family law for 20+ years and going through her own divorce at the age of 48, she discovered a way to heal the pain of past relationships and build a new life full of passion and joy. She now helps other newly-single women and those going through divorce fall in love with themselves and their lives again by discovering their own unique life purpose. Lori’s website is http://lorilatimer.com/