Finding Love Again After Losing Your Partner

In an article published in the New York Times in 2006, it was an old saying that caught the headlines, ‘Women Mourn; Men Replace’. Twelve years later statistics show this demographic to be gradually leveling out. Despite the fact that women are becoming increasingly independent, going it alone may not be right for all. These days, there is an increase in the numbers of mature women finding love again.

Single Mature Men, and Women, Seek Long Term Relationships

There are those who say that men are more needy than women and I think, as far as sex is concerned, this could be true. However, my own observations are that widows, fortunate enough to have enjoyed a good marital relationship, will consider another romantic experience at some point following bereavement.

What Does A Widower Miss?

Women are often the organizers and act as the cornerstone of day-to-day living. Men do miss this kind of initiative in their lives and whilst this is unlikely to play a part in their grieving, it could constitute one of the reasons why they might seek out another partner. A man who has enjoyed his marriage may want to reinvest his future with someone new because he misses the potential for shared pleasures. Holidays, entertaining and making plans for the home or garden all come into the mix. Also, the physical side of a relationship may be calling him, too.

What Does a Widow Miss?

Enjoying the various aspects of a social life when there is someone beside you to share the event is a plus; and helping each other through troubled times is better than coping on your own.

The physical side of a relationship is likely to be sadly missed as well. Having a healthy sex life can provide a woman with a sensual presence, promoting an overall feeling of confidence.

The First Relationship Following Bereavement

For a widowed man or woman embarking on their first relationship following bereavement, there will possibly be moments of guilt or uncertainty. This is understandable and is not a sentiment to be ignored.  Talk to your family and close friends if you feel the need and of course, talk to your new partner. Being reassured that you’re not doing anything to feel guilty about is important.

The amount of time you leave between losing someone and dating again is a personal issue, however, and one that you need to feel comfortable about before getting too involved. If your new partner is widowed, then he/she is more likely to have a greater understanding of this issue.

Will Your Adult Children Approve If You Marry Again?

For the adult children and family of mature widows or widowers, there may be resistance when it comes to accepting someone new.

Coming to terms with the fact their father or mother is not in touch quite as often as they once were, and seemingly not needing so much support, may make them feel excluded and abandoned.

There is also the likelihood of adult children being concerned about the financial outcome of such a union, in the event of their mother or father’s death.

Having said that, there can be many benefits to remarriage and these come in the form of lessening responsibility for mature children and the return of the companionship their father or mother may have been missing; to name but a few.

Sharing Mutual Respect for Each Other’s Past

Just because you find yourself with someone new to love, it doesn’t mean you abandon the sentiments you had for your deceased partner. With a mutual respect for each other’s feelings, you can look forward to creating new memories as you build a happy future together.

Connecting With Others

Plenty of bereaved mature men and women want to share their lives with someone new and with various avenues for meeting singles, mature or otherwise, including online dating specifically for widows and widowers, men and women are less likely to feel vulnerable or reluctant about the idea of starting again.

Choosing to remain single is also absolutely OK too, and gives you the opportunity to flourish as an individual. There will be adventures, regardless of age – you just have to look for them and be ready to seize the moment!

Annie Hunte is the founder of www.widowsorwidowers.com – The longest running date site exclusively for widows and widowers.