Ask Coach Sandy

Welcome to our new column, “Ask Coach Sandy”. 

The purpose of this column is to provide you support as you deal with the challenges and concerns in your life.

Twice each month Sandy will answer your questions on relationships, careers, self-esteem and life in general, so please email them to her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com.

In the subject line please write Ask Coach Sandy. If your question is not addressed in the column, Sandy will make every effort to respond to you personally. We look forward to hearing from you. Welcome to Ask Coach Sandy.

Dear Sandy:

I’m 53 years old and have been divorced for 5 years. I’ve recently started dating, and am spending time with a man that my adult children and friends have decided isn’t good for me. He treats me well, but everyone tells me he’s the wrong person for the long term. I’m confused and don’t know what to do.– Confused

Dear Confused:

Congratulations on starting to date again. That’s a big step towards moving ahead with your life. Your children and friends have known and loved you for a long time, and probably want the best for you. It may be that they don’t know your man as you do, so it would be good for you to give them an opportunity to spend some time with you two. It’s also important to find out what their objections to him are. They might be seeing things that, in the first blush of a relationship, you’ve overlooked. Remember that these people care about what’s good for you, so it’s worthwhile for you to pay attention to their concerns and see how valid they are. Once you’ve looked at the situation through their eyes, you may be able to make a clearer decision.

Dear Sandy:

I’m a professional woman who has worked for the same company for a long time. I’m approaching their mandatory retirement age, and although I’m OK financially, I’m concerned about how I’ll react when the time to leave arrives. Working has been my identity my whole life and I don’t know who I’ll be without it. — Worried

Dear Worried:

Fear of change is normal. We all experience it, even when the change is a positive one like a marriage, graduation, or retirement. In order to move into your new life you will have to let go of the old one, and then set about defining who you want to be in this next stage. You can begin now, while you’re still working, to look at what interests you have that you haven’t had time to pursue, what people you want to spend more time with, and what travel and education you’d like to do. You can begin now to make plans to bring these things into your life. As you go through this transition you will experience some stages of the grief and loss process. You might find yourself depressed, angry, mentally fuzzy and distracted. This is normal, and as you let go of your old identity as a professional and begin to redefine yourself in this new stage of your life, you will come through it as happy as you were before.

Sandy is the author of Self-Esteem: An Inside Job. She is a life and business coach, educator, speaker, author, and Licensed Professional Counselor. She specializes in working with women, professionals, entrepreneurs and people in transition. Sandy publishes a free monthly newsletter entitled Focusing On Your Success. Please visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com.