A Second Chance

By on August 8, 2011

By Deborah Turton –

My phone rings, it’s my sister.

I have only spoken to her twice in the past 4 years and she does not have good news.

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She tells me that her doctor’s office called two days ago and she will be in the hospital tomorrow for a biopsy, they have found a suspicious lump on her lung.

Her voice is shaky and I suspect it’s because she is unsure of the response she will get from me. She tells me that she wanted to talk to someone who was important to her, someone she loved. She called me.

We had once had a very close relationship. 16 years older than me, she had changed my diapers, walked the floor with me and I had lived with her and her family at different times while I was growing up.

I adored her, looked up to her. She in turn loved me unconditionally and we were always there for each other, that was until she went through a terrible and ugly divorce many years ago. At the time my husband and I chose not to take sides. I had known my brother-in-law since I was very young and I felt that I could not choose between the two of them. Unfortunately because of our decision, we lost relationship with both of them. She remarried, and we did not go to her wedding.

My sister and I had never argued, and I supported their divorce. However, in my processing of it all, I did discuss “my” pain of losing them as a couple with other family members. And here is where the miscommunication took place and continued over the years, though the divorce long past, the wounds continued and took on different forms. Everyone was talking except my sister and I.

The next day I met her at the hospital, we kissed and hugged in the parking lot. She was positive and happy and so much more interested in me than herself. Everything bad, everything troubling just disappeared and all that was left was our 49+ years of sisterly love.

What she thought was an overnight stay turned into a full week of intense testing. Her husband traveled back to the country to finish packing as the moving truck was arriving in a week to take them to their new home. She gave me her car so that I could come and go as often as I wanted and as she needed.

We had so much to catch up on and so many memories to relive. We laughed out loud, I cried from time to time, but mostly we laughed. We talked a little about what went wrong but honestly neither of us could remember the “you said” – “they said” – “you did”, and neither of us wanted to… What would be the point? In our hearts we both took responsibility and just… LET…IT…GO!

Here is a KEY that most people do not talk about:
I forgave myself for my part in our troubled relationship, which enabled me to receive forgiveness from my sister.

If I could have a “do over”, would I do things differently? That passage of time where we “broke-up”! Yes I would, but none of that matters now, so I no longer think about it, we only have today and my hopes for the future.

All settled into their new home, we went to visit them and slept over a few nights, Kay asked me how my daughter Katey, her niece’s wedding plans were coming along. We chatted about it and I told her that everything was going great but she was stuck on finding a veil. Kay went up to her room and came back with her veil, the one she wore when she followed me up the aisle… I was 4 years old. Kay asks, “Do you think Katey would like this…?”

Kay turns 66 this year, she is beautiful and fun and has handled a really, really tough life well and I know she will continue to do so…

Take Aways:

• Never give up on a broken relationship – where there is love, while there is breath, there is life, and possibility!

• Own your part in the broken relationship.

• Be willing to let go of all that could have, would have, or should have been for what will be!

• Be open and recognize the opportunity for a relationship restoration.

How has family divorce or broken-relationships affected you, how have you handled it?

Is there a relationship that you would love to see restored? We would love to hear from you. Deborah is an Australian made globally transformed Relationship Consultant, Public Speaker, iMindMap Trainer and Coach. Drawing from 15 years in full time Ministry, Ordained, 34+ years with my husband Mike, two gorgeous adult children and 50 years traveling this beautiful planet of ours. For more information please visit: http://www.deborahturton.com/about/.

About Deborah Turton


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A Second Chance