5 Steps to Get Over a Break Up

By on September 25, 2017

By Pauline Plott—

Breaking up, especially with someone you love, can be devastating. Although most people have their own coping mechanisms, it can be easy to forget them in a time of great distress. That’s because heartbreak often leads to a flood of emotions and thoughts that can take over your life.

Thankfully, there are many proven ways to healthily deal with your newfound stressor and emerge stronger than ever before. Listed below are the top five steps to get over your broken heart and rebuild your life.

1. Let Your Emotions Do Their Thing

Heartbreak involves a lot of emotional pain and it’s important to embrace the feelings you’re feeling instead of ignoring them and pretending everything is okay. Feeling sad, angry or depressed is completely normal after a breakup. If you allow yourself to cry and grieve, it can act as a means of catharsis.

There is no set time for getting over the pain and although it is beneficial to experience it, it’s also important not to wallow. The release of so much emotion can be addictive and if you’re not careful and proactive about improving your situation, you risk getting stuck in your funk.

2. Spend Time with Others

Immediately after a breakup, you may be tempted to lock yourself in your room and ignore the world. While this is understandable, it’s probably not the right thing to be doing in your mental state. As difficult as it may be, it’s important to get out there and spend time with the people who matter most to you.

Good friends will be understanding of your needs and will probably even offer to be with you. Take them up on their offers and spend time not thinking about your ex. The less time you focus on your heartbreak, the more time you can focus on moving forward.

When you’re not spending time with other people, find other things to focus on like your hobbies, that pile of books that you’ve been waiting to read, or some of your favorite [non-romantic] movies.

3. Talk to Someone

There is a lot of power in simply talking to people. Whether you rely on your family or friends during times like these, simply sitting down and expressing your feelings is extremely beneficial. Try to confide in people who you know won’t judge you.

If you would rather not talk to the people with whom you are close, consider speaking to a counselor or psychologist. Not only are they trained to handle situations like yours, they’re also able to provide advice and perspectives that you may not get from people in whom you are more invested. 

No matter who you turn to, you will eventually realize that happiness is your choice and not that of anyone else. 

4. Focus on the Future

There is nothing more optimistic than the future because you can make it whatever you want it to be. That is why it is so important not only to think about the past but to focus on the future as well.

As awful as it may seem now, a breakup is usually good for you. It can help you rethink who you want to be, where you want to go, and just about every other facet of your life. While it would be a mistake to make rash decisions at this point, there is nothing wrong with trying to lay out a plan of where you would like to go from here.

The more effort you put into thinking about good things, the more time and energy they will take away from the things that are not good.

5. Begin Rebuilding

Once you come to terms with your breakup, you can begin rebuilding the future that you’ve always dreamed of.

If you think you are ready to move on, you can sign up for some online dating sites and begin playing the field once more. If not, that’s okay, too. There is a lot of value in ‘you time’ and there is nothing wrong with holding back for a while.

In the meantime, you can continue strengthening your connections to the other things and people in your life.


It is important to remember that the end of a relationship can lead to the beginning of something even better. Trust your feelings, but never let them get the best of you. 

In time you will understand that everything is for the best because you are making a concerted effort to make it so.


Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on DatingSpot.co.uk.

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5 Steps to Get Over a Break Up