Unleashing the Kiss Method

By Heidi McLaughlin –

My husband is the pastor to the 55 and older generation in our local church. Every year there is a celebration for those who have been married 50, 60 or 70 years. I listen intently to the stories of “how their marriages stayed together for all those years.” I need to glean their practical, lived out in real life…wisdom. There is something so incredibly beautiful about an older couple walking along holdings hands and still smiling at each other.

After talking to many of them over the years, I have learned that their original endorphin, chemically induced feelings of “falling in love” took on different dimensions over the years. It went from “feeling” of love to “being” in love. The transitional word is the word “ACTION.” Here is how some of them describe it:

1. Learning to look past the daily irritations.
2. Becoming a servant to each other. It is like the description of a waiter in a restaurant who walks over to you with a servant towel over his arm attending to your needs, cleaning up your spilled messes and cleaning you when you leave. “Towel servant hood” is vital to the health and strength of marriages because God designed marriage so that spouses can “help each other.”
3. Learning to be patient. God placed people together to “sandpaper” each other to make us into the people He designed them to be. Did you see that word “learning” in there? Patience is listed as the first fruit of the Spirit, because learning patience is one of the hardest things we can learn in this life. God gives us spouses to help us to become more beautiful from the inside out.
4. Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. We will be hurt in our marriage. Period. The success of our marriage is determined by the choices we make when we are hurt. Yes, there may be infidelity, rejection, betrayal, hidden addictions, hurtful words, emotional absence, unfulfilled expectations and so more much. What we do with those hurts is what determines the strength, vitality and joy in our marriage.
5. Yes, there is abuse in marriages and with God’s wisdom and counseling each person needs to determine what they will do about that. God knows our hearts and probably not as quick to judge as we do. Seek God’s guidance and, YOU and GOD decide what you need to do to stay spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy.
6. Get over yourself. Stop sulking every time you’re offended and stop being such a namby-pamby (old people’s words). This marriage is not always about you and hurt petty irritations and offenses.
7. Laugh…for goodness sakes. We need to loosen up and laugh about things that we know won’t matter a “hill of beans” at the end of the day. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
8. There is no Plan “B”. Make a determined choice to stay in the marriage. I hear the laments of older people saying that “young people these days” don’t stick it out. As soon as they hear “I don’t love you anymore” they run off and find something better.

Love is not a feeling, it is action. The bible says it this way: “my beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God… Then it goes on to say…”My dear children, let’s not talk about love; let’s practice real love” 1 John 3:18 MSG).

Which one of these 8 points will you take away today, and insert it into your marriage to make it last for another 50 years?

Heidi is the author of several publications and books; her latest book is SAND TO PEARL: Making Bold Choices to Enrich your Life and BEAUTY UNLEASHED: Transforming a Woman’s Soul.  She writes monthly articles for Women Alive for Canada, and also assists with the AWSA articles “Right to the Heart.” Heidi has also contributed stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul books, and Canada’s latest release of SECOND CUP OF HOT APPLE CIDER. Heidi is also a professional member of: The World Guild of Canada, the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, on the alumni of Carol Kent’s Speak up Speaker Services. Website: www.heartconnection.ca, http://heartconnection.wordpress.com/, http://100huntley.com/video.php?id=5poRsKqCFKQ