Want to Solve Relationship Issues? Don’t Neglect Your Sexual Relationship!

By on May 28, 2012

A while ago I was talking with a couple about a particular problem they were having – they both felt they argued all the time, but never reached any resolution. Following my usual pattern of therapy, I gave them a homework assignment to complete before we met again. I asked them to define and describe their arguments in a written report.

Three weeks later our session started with an announcement. Talking at once the couple blurted, “We didn’t do it!”

“Didn’t do what?” I asked.

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“We didn’t do our homework assignment,” they explained. “We didn’t have anything to argue about so there was nothing to write.”

This baffled me so I asked, “You mean in the three weeks since our last session you didn’t argue once?”

Wearing a smile the husband repeated, “We just didn’t have anything to argue about.”

I was silent for a moment and then rephrased the question. This was very unusual!

“Yes, we didn’t argue one time,” they insisted.

I probed further. “And in the weeks prior to our last session, did you argue?”

“Oh, we argued almost every day,” the wife confided.

What was going on here? Could it be they were using the communication tools I gave them?

“Okay,” I continued, shaking my head. “Can you tell me what was different over the past three weeks that caused your disagreements to be left behind?”

Neither one had a clue.

Without any conscious thought I asked if they had sexual relations over the past three weeks.

To my surprise they replied, “Oh, yes, several times.”

Aha! Maybe we were on to something!

“And did you have regular sexual relations before our last session?”

They replied, “No, we didn’t. We were too busy arguing.”

So that’s why the homework assignment wasn’t completed!

Research in the field of human sexuality shows many benefits are derived from the sexual act. Sex, sex, and more sex will add healthy bonuses to any relationship, as well as build bonds of intimacy which carry over into other aspects of the relationship.

According to Tara Parker-Pope, author of Sex and the Long-Term Relationship, “Men and women who are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their relationship are also more likely to report lower levels of overall relationship satisfaction.”

Healthy sexual expression in a relationship connects a couple in mind, body, and soul and has the additional benefit of being an effective stress reducer.

You can benefit from my clients’ story as a reminder that physical intimacy goes a long way to resolve many issues affecting a relationship. While sex isn’t always the answer, it’s a wonderful place to start!


Originally posted on The Gift of a Lifetime.

About Barbara J. Peters

Barbara Peters, RN, LPC, is a gifted communicator with a laser beam ability to cut through the tangle of personal drama to get results and relationships that last a lifetime. A Long Island native, Barbara has made Georgia her home for the last twenty-four years; her private counseling practice is in Cumming, GA. She is devoted to her family of two grown daughters, four grandchildren, and a Shih Tzu named Gingerlily who often accompanies her to work. Her books are available at all major online booksellers and on her website, in soft cover and ebook editions. If you want more information on Barbara J. Peters visit her website http://www.barbarajpeters.com.

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Want to Solve Relationship Issues? Don’t Neglect Your Sexual Relationship!