Relationship Tip: Renew the Contact In Your Relationship

By on June 10, 2013
mature couple being playful

Does it sound a little odd to you to think of a relationship like a contact sport? Yet it is very exciting to touch and be touched.

Couples desire touch. They want it, crave it, and need it, but many times just don’t have it.

Touch dissipates in many relationships, and this is sad for couples. But when asked, they do say that things used to be very hot in the beginning! How did they become distant physically? Touch is necessary to humans. For example, Dr. Paul Brand, a pioneer in the field of healing through touch, writes: “Skin cells offer a direct path into the deep reservoir of emotion we metaphorically call the human heart.” Whew, that’s something to think about!

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Nurses often remark how babies in intensive care units respond to touch. A baby moves affirmatively to a parent’s finger grazing over the tiny body. Just a gentle stroke offers the physical connection of human to human, the connection so needed for survival. Research studies show babies need touch to thrive—as do we all.

If your relationship seems to lack this connection, think about the time in your relationship when casual physical touch quickly led to intensely romantic moments. It can happen again!

Try just holding hands when you talk together. This simple gesture adds so much to the communication that you share when you talk. Especially when you must solve serious problems, it helps to hold hands while you discuss your feelings. It becomes easier this way to reach compromise and resolution.

Want to rekindle your fire?  Here are a few suggestions:

*Tell each other how you like to be touched. You can even show your partner how.

*When your partner turns around (not facing you), gently touch your partner’s shoulder, or encircle your arms around your partner’s waist.

*Be generous with your embraces. Research shows that four to eight hugs given over a day will increase bonding and connection between couples.

*Don’t be shy. As soon as you know how your partner likes to be touched, try it!

Remember this song from Lennon and McCartney: “I want to hold your hand! And when you touch me, I feel happy inside, it’s just a feeling I can’t hide.”

Wouldn’t we all love to feel this way?

Originally posted on

About Barbara J. Peters

Barbara Peters, RN, LPC, is a gifted communicator with a laser beam ability to cut through the tangle of personal drama to get results and relationships that last a lifetime. A Long Island native, Barbara has made Georgia her home for the last twenty-four years; her private counseling practice is in Cumming, GA. She is devoted to her family of two grown daughters, four grandchildren, and a Shih Tzu named Gingerlily who often accompanies her to work. Her books are available at all major online booksellers and on her website, in soft cover and ebook editions. If you want more information on Barbara J. Peters visit her website

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Relationship Tip: Renew the Contact In Your Relationship