The Quiet Insanity of 3 A.M.

By on June 11, 2012

~ 3 A.M. or 0'dark thirty ~

Someone once said if all the women in the world who were awake at 3 a.m. got together, they could rule the world. Do you think there’s verity in that comment? I do, but then I wonder, what if all those women weren’t Christians? Then I’m reminded of a man I once dated who said, “I’d rather rule in hell than serve in heaven.” We broke up shortly thereafter -smile-. Now that I’m on a memory trip, that same man would also quote Shakespeare’s Polonius, “This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst then not be false to any man.” Unfortunately, when he said them, they were just pretty words as his business dealings weren’t, always, on the up and up. The good news is, when we broke up, the decks were cleared for Dave’s, eventual, arrival.

~ bamboo ottoman ~

Yesterday, Sunday, I went to church then shopping which I am loath to do on Sunday. I “justify” it by saying I’m saving resources…making more than one trip so I don’t have to go off the farm today. Yeah. I know. I’m not kidding myself, just playing foolish mind games. Anyway, after coming home I got in the laundry that had been hanging on the line since Saturday, spray painted a small bamboo ottoman…yeah, yeah, more non-Sabbath keeping but, in general, had a lovely afternoon, mostly on the back porch. Oh, by the way, I’m also one of those women who won’t wear pants to church; only skirts, blouses or dresses. I don’t care if women wear pants to church, it’s just that I care if I do…so I don’t. Throughout the day, I worked on my weekly to-do list; it’s the only hope I have of accomplishing anything.

Some years ago, I bought a Franklin Covey calendar system and have yet to figure out how to best utilize the dratted thing! So, I use a small notebook and struggle along. smile One wish I have is those Franklin Covey folks would recognize my complete and total inability to effectively use their calendar system and take me under wing. Yeah, and I want to win the lottery as well, wry smile. Their tagline is “we enable greatness”; well, I’m already great because my Abba is the Creator of the Universe so I’d be happy if they would just enable me to effectively use their product…for which I paid Perfectly Good Money…and a lot of it, in my humble opinion! So, Mr. Franklin, or is it Mr. Covey, do you hear my plea for help?

The to-do list for today includes, but isn’t limited to, making bread and shortbread, making some business telephone calls, paying bills, wrapping wedding gifts, re-potting some plants, going through my closet and Dave’s closet to select clothes to give away and all this after doing my usual farm chores. Some of these things bring worry and, sometimes, it’s a struggle to “cast my cares upon God because He cares for me.” Sometimes, I find myself holding onto those cares, woes and worries and then I wonder, “WHY?” It’s far easier, for me anyway, to cast those cares upon Him in the daylight hours; it’s then I’m busy and can hustle those cares, woes and worries right to the sidelines.

~ sometimes the Light is cloudy ~

It’s not so easy at 3 a.m. At 3 a.m. all the weight of the world can cause my neck to tense, my shoulders to ache, my back to bow and a blind panic takes over my mind.

What if, what if, WHAT IF?! I am not qualified to make business or financial decisions; I am not qualified to handle this farm; I am not qualified to tend to these animals; I am not qualified, I am not qualified, I AM NOT QUALIFIED! My mind reels with these thoughts, over and over and over and… until, long after the struggle begins, exhaustion sets in and my body concedes what my mind won’t relinquish. In minutes, or so it seems, it’s daybreak and time to begin my day, exhausted and muzzy headed from lack of sleep.

Prayer helps as does reading Psalms. Both help me remove the wrong focus and see the right focus. It helps me put life, and eternity, into perspective. Truth be told? Some nights it’s easier than others…but…BUT!

God is qualified; He is able. He is also strong, wise, tender, merciful, righteous, loving and filled with wisdom and grace toward me. He has plans for me; He wants me to succeed! He wants us to succeed!

What’s your worry? How do you handle it? How do you handle the quiet insanity of 3 a.m. when darkness threatens your eyes, your heart, your very soul? Pilgrim, say this out loud: the quiet insanity of any hour of any day pales in comparison to the God who created time.

The same Abba to whom I turn, is your Abba as well. He has plans for you; he wants you to succeed; He wants your focus upon Him. The next time you’re awake at 3:00 a.m., think of me, then talk to your our Abba. Abba God never, never sleeps.

God is able, He is listening, trust Him.

 

Originally posted on Thistle Cove Farm.

About Thistle Cove Farm

After more than four decades, Sandra Bennett's dream of living on a farm came true, and now lives her dream at Thistle Cove Farm. She writes, photographs, and plans her next travel adventure while teaching workshops in Increasing Small Business and Farm Income; Networking and Partnering and Fleece Management. She's taught at University and in Russia, Armenia, Georgia and at different fiber festivals in the eastern USA. Dave, her beloved husband, passed away in 2011 so now Sandra is learning financial management. Please visit Thistle Cove Farm , her lifestyle blog: http://thistlecovefarm.blogspot.com/, and Wife to Widow blog: http://www.1wifetowidow.blogspot.com/ where she helps you be “proactive, not reactive."

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The Quiet Insanity of 3 A.M.