Overwhelmed: One Woman’s Story

I’m overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it. I’m like a downstairs maid in an English abbey. I’m overwhelmed with fatigue, frustration, resentment, chaos, disorder, and lack. There just isn’t enough of me to go around. Talk about overwhelming—I’m like a size two swimsuit being squeezed onto a size twelve woman, stretched thin and ripping at the seams.

I think the most overwhelming thing for a lot of us is the to-do list. I also struggle with my “what-not-to-do list.” I work much better with negative inspiration than positive, so I crave knowing what-not-to-do. Tell me what not to do, and I’m like Gail Carson Levine’s main character in Ella Enchanted—unable to disobey.

I just love the law! It’s neat and tidy, and when I obey it, I get an A-plus!

Of course, it can be overwhelming having to be perfect all the time, but I believe perfection suits me better than the alternative. I run myself ragged trying to collect enough stickers to fill my obedience chart before anyone else: A-plus!

I often describe myself to others as competitive. It’s funny how you can say to people without embarrassment, “I’m just really competitive,” when what that really means is, “I’m better than you, and if I can’t prove it, then I’m going to get really mad.”

It’s true, too! Get me into a big game of Catch Phrase or Taboo—any word game, really—and I go from Piglet to Tigger in six seconds flat. I might as well be singing, “. . . and the most wunnerful thing about Hayley is I’m the only one! I-Y-F-L! In your face, loser!”

Competition feeds the inner savior. You know her—the one who proves to yourself and everyone else you are worthy of love, attention, and respect. “Some things only money can buy,” she says, “but for everything else, there’s competition!” I mean, I’ll compete even if no one else is around. All I have to do is keep a running tally of others’ beauty, cleanliness, kids’ performance, job status, and possessions, and it’s like The Game of Thrones: Christian Edition all day long.

I look at my walls, and I’m overwhelmed by how ugly my arrangements are compared to Kallie’s. I’m getting ready for bed and want to leave the kitchen counter cluttered until morning, but then I think of how Jen avoids the kitchen-hoarding horror by never leaving it for later. I’m torn between rest and overwork.

I remember when Catherine once told me, “I read this blog that said if it takes you less than fifteen minutes to put something away, you should do it now.” Now I can’t get those words out of my head. I’m like the kid from The Sixth Sense, only I’m saying, “I see perfect people, and they won’t shut up.”

Comparison is how we decide most things in our lives. In order to understand something, you have to have something to compare it to. I get that, but there are two results of comparing yourself with another human being: pride or depression. Neither one ends well. Besides, being the best is hard work, and I know this from personal experience. If I’m being honest—and I most definitely am—in my own mind, I am the best in comparison to everyone else. My body just can’t seem to translate that to reality. Whenever I take the time to balance the books of my life, I see more red ink than black, more debt than surplus. In fact, I’m completely overdrawn and bouncing personal checks right and left. Just ask my husband.

I’m better in my own mind than in the minds of those who know me best, at least when it comes to what I think I should be. In fact, that’s another reason I get overwhelmed—because I compare myself not only to others, but also to my “best me.” When I see my best me with her feet up, eating bonbons, and taking “me” time, I’m one woman down. It’s unfair, so I just throw my hands up and say, “I can’t do it all! It’s just too much!” That signals the end.

Laundry pile–7 Hayley–0

Game over.

I’ll try again tomorrow. Yeah, comparison sucks!

Comparison really does serve a good purpose. Hebrews 6:12 prompts us to be “imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.”

Like a lot of things, though, I wrongly use comparison when I use it to grade myself and others rather than inspire faithfulness. Jon Bloom agreed with me (even though he doesn’t know me) when he said, “We can tell this is happening in us when we look at others and don’t see the grace of God, but reflections of our own inferiority. We don’t see them as windows into God’s glory, but as mirrors into which we are asking, ‘Who’s the fairest one of all?’—and we know it’s not us.”

I know walking past a window and not looking at yourself is hard—we are all very interested in how we look—but if we could only remember to look through the window to the inside, instead of stopping at our reflection, we could see the very Spirit of God alive within us, giving us all we need for life and godliness (see 2 Peter 1:3). In fact, if you make the resolve to stop comparing, then you can know He will fulfill “every resolve for good and every work of faith by His power” (2 Thessalonians 1:11 NIV).

Did you get that? He will bring it to pass by His power. Ah, the bonbons of grace. Now sit back and enjoy.

~ Hayley DiMarco is the best-selling author of more than 40 books, including her latest release is A Woman Overwhelmed: Finding God in the Messes of Life (Abingdon Press) and its companion Bible study. As the founder of Hungry Planet, DiMarco speaks regularly for women’s groups and events. Hayley, her pastor husband, Michael, and their daughter live outside Nashville.

To learn more about DiMarco, visit her online home www.HayleyDiMarco.com. She can also be found on Facebook (hayley.dimarco) and Twitter (@hayleydimarco).