THE JOY OF FINDING LOVE AGAIN!

By Beverly Munter –

I married an older man and after 51 years of a wonderful marriage, I unfortunately found myself a widow.  Yes, there were children and grandchildren. But I was single, healthy and alone in my own home; especially at night when I dreamed of the past and thought about my future. My long term relationship with my husband had taught me the joys of companionship. It took time for me to overcome the days of mourning and “guilt” that somehow I survived. Nevertheless, despite the closeness of my family, I could not see a future of being alone.

For many years, I had been employed as an administrator of a healthcare company and had advised women who found themselves single late in life. It was a lot easier to advise others to remember the joys and happiness of their marriage, and that it was time to move on and prepare for another chapter of their lives. However, when I attempted to follow my own advice, I realized how difficult it was to take those necessary first steps.

Where do I look? Things were a lot different in those past decades when I went to parties and dances with friends. Do they still have those kinds of dances? Do I even know how to dance those newfangled dances with thumping drums and everyone raising their hands in the air? Do I really have to go to some kind of a bar? Do I have to go to some computer site and post my picture and fill in a series of blanks and not lie too much to attract some guy who hasn’t lied too much himself?  What do I say when some man says hello? Yes, I had spoken to people all my life, but this was different. I was starting all over.

Well, I did all those things – no, not the bar scene, I couldn’t take all that smoke. I even learned to dance. I met dozens of men, some older, some younger, some exciting, and some not so sensational.  I then met my new companion with whom I now share my life. But it was awkward at first. I had reduced my age in my computer biography (hate to say, lied). It turned out I was a couple of months older than he.  We talked about our past and current lives, our families and the future. We held hands and took further steps in our joined intimacy. It was strange and yet wonderful.  We both had long marriages and now we were carrying on like youngsters.

It was then that I realized (as I had done during my years of employment) I had to share my joy with others and help women (and men, too) who were involved in their personal journey of finding companionship.

I now tell my story in front of audiences of older women and men who are looking forward to a life with a companion and confidante to share the joys of movies, museums, trips, dinners, families and all those others experiences that shape our lives.

My one-on-one support sessions are especially important. There are so many first steps that can be taken, including senior centers, dances, library programs, and dozens of computer sites.  But most important, is the fact that self-image and confidence is critical.  The media may tell us that the decades of the fifties and sixties and beyond is the today’s thirties and forties. They’re lying – or at least my mirror tells me that. But the truth is that if we dwell only on the calendar and not on how we enjoy ourselves with others, how we react to the life about us, and how we enliven the events of everyday, the fifties and sixties are really the seventies and eighties for you and I. So take the first step towards forming new friendships, fellowship and companionship and keep in mind, there are others out there who also desire companionship in their 50’s, 60’s, and beyond.

Beverly Munter, now retired, was an entrepreneur and an executive in the business world. After 51 years of marriage, she suddenly found herself widowed and decided to take stock of her situation. She now counsels fellow seniors on the joys of finding love, friendship and intimacy again. She can be reached at beverlymunter@optonline.net or you can follow her on Twitter: @bevseniorscoach.