Finding Love Again at Age 50

By on December 1, 2011

By Marta Perrone –

What is it like to live in a marriage where when you slip into the bed covers at night, you cling to your side and pillow and feel that sense of loneliness? Your total focus is raising children and perhaps working or building a business but never feeling “in love”. I’m sure there are others who have felt like this. The question is what do you do about it? Women, in particular, feel incapable of moving forward and finding what they lost or perhaps never had in their lives. Their concern may be finances or perhaps they simply worry about the ability to find another man as an older woman…but there is hope. Here’s my story.

I was young and a bit confused when I first married. I think it is fair to say that making a decision to marry when you are in your late 20’s and early 30’s is different than marrying over 50. For a woman, it is most often about the biological clock and having that first baby before it’s too late. Others simply fall into lust and think its “love”. While others don’t have a clue as to why they made such a disastrous choice in men. For me it wasn’t disastrous, but it was certainly not what I had hoped for in a marriage. At 32, I had been around the block and even fallen in love before; yet, that love never consummated. Feeling rather hopeless and leaving passion aside, I made a decision to marry so that I could do the proverbial “settle down and have a family.”

Once pregnant, it felt like a snowball reeling down the mountainside. As the pregnancy ensued so did the years. After all the milestones and photograph albums for each year of marriage, there was one last photograph left. When my daughter graduated High School and prepared for college, I knew my exit plan was near. The announcement was difficult and weighed heavily on my heart. No matter what anyone tells you, whether your children are young or mature, divorce has an effect on all. However, I knew one thing: eventually my children would grow up and have lives of their own and I was responsible for finding my own happiness.

At age 50, I made the painful decision to leave my husband of 19 years and walked out the door never to look back. My friends thought I was crazy for leaving the house, but he was determined to never leave. In fact, he still lives there. But I decided even if it meant living in a small apartment with no furniture, it would be better than another day of living a lie. My children were angry and never visited me; something that I will never forget. I cried many tears alone in the corner of a room; yet, I still felt inside that I had done the right thing. My goal was to find what I so dearly dreamt of all those years. To say I was “determined” is perhaps an understatement…I knew in my heart it would happen.

One year later, my girlfriends (all married) said, let’s go out and have “girls night out”. Sure, that sounded good to me because I could go out without feeling as though I was searching for someone. Yet, I always went out dressed to the nines just in case… We sat to have dinner at Vibratos (a local Jazz club owned by Herb Albert), when all of a sudden one of my friends turned to me and said…”that man is starring at you.” I said, “really”. I turned my body around and focused on his face and said, “Are you starring at me?” He smiled gently and said, “Yes, your beauty is compelling.” Ummm, I thought, now that is a good line.

He not only looks good, he knows the right thing to say.  As our conversation ensued, I asked the one question every woman wants to be sure of when she meets a man, “Are you married?” “Yes, he said, but my wife passed just recently.” Ughh… I was now feeling sad, confused and concerned all in one. He asked me if that was a deterrent for us to know each other. I answered, “Yes, in some way it is because your heart is not ready for another.”

There was work to be done, for when two people at this age come together, there is always some baggage. Three years later, we were able to put any fears aside and pull all our family and friends together as we tied the knot. Today, I wake up each morning reaching to touch him and share our morning kiss. From the simplest of things to traveling to Europe, we do it all with peace in our hearts knowing we are side by side. We check in frequently throughout the day, sometimes just to say “I love you”. We write each other thoughtful notes reflecting that we are on each other’s minds always. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t say to my husband, “I love you, you are the love of my life”.

There are no more lonely nights; I no longer live the lie pretending to be in a happy marriage. I have found my true love and who brings me true happiness and peace  to my heart. He is my love, and I know you can find yours too!

 

Marta Perrone has created several publications to help both domestic workers and homemakers improve their skills. In addition, she gives workshops at parent educational centers on Household Hiring and gives training seminars to domestics around the country. A graduate of UCLA with a degree in Spanish and Linguistics.

About Marta Perrone

Marta Perrone has created several publications to help both domestic workers and homemakers improve their skills. In addition, she gives workshops at parent educational centers on Household Hiring and gives training seminars to domestics around the country. A graduate of UCLA with a degree in Spanish and Linguistics. Her website: www.martaperrone.com.

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Finding Love Again at Age 50