By Judy Dippel –
Friendship Interrupted: Challenges and Practical Solutions—What You Can Do
The loss of a valued friend is a harsh reality—it really hurts! When the tie of a connected and valuable friendship is severed, even temporarily, the results can be devastating. Emotional pain and anguish between friends can spring from hurtful actions or circumstances. It’s an understatement to say that it’s complicated, confusing, and challenging. When a friend gets “burned” or feels rejected, bitterness and resentment threaten to extinguish even the best of relationships, creating simmering resentment or bitterness deep within. Knowing what to do with such a major ‘interruption’ is a challenge.
Sometimes walking away from a friendship is the only course of action that can be taken. You may need to fondly remember the good times and move forward. However, when a problem exists with a cherished friend, it is worth every effort to strive to reconcile the problem. The challenges presented within friendships provide opportunities for change and growth when they are faced candidly and honestly by both people. Regardless of the outcome, one thing is certain—anguish and hurt will not go away until you make an effort to do something about it.
One common cause of hurt is a sudden unexplained change in words and actions towards you—passive distancing, or feeling ignored and passed over. Other painful situations include outright betrayal or pressure stemming from unrealistic expectations and competitiveness. Uncomfortable feelings of envy or jealousy also contaminate relationships.
A number of factors can influence the way you respond to hurt and conflict in friendships. First, it is important to remember, that even between two close friends, the perspective of the problem is likely very different. Why?
Each of you is a unique individual with different life experience. Upbringing and relationship history set the stage for how each of you tends to react to problems. Personality traits and expectations also influence the degree of anguish that is felt and experienced in difficult situations. Regardless, most women say the confusion from a sudden change in attitude or hostility can cause great suffering. The distress can quickly put a valued friendship on trial, testing its limits.
Sally words may echo your feelings today. “How does this happen to two friends who love each other and have been through decades of life together? I keep thinking ‘I’m a mature woman, get a grip.’ I keep grasping for who you’ve always been to me, but you’re not acting the same towards me. What’s the problem? Each time I struggle to make sense of the rejection I feel from you I’m filled with absolute shock and disbelief all over again. I wonder if it will ever be straightened out. I haven’t experienced a divorce, but it must feel something like this.”
Don’t be surprised when your hurt takes you through the complete process of grief—shock, denial, anger, sadness acceptance…and finally, growth. There is good news in this process! As you seek God in a hurtful situation, and allow His perspective to become yours, love and forgiveness will begin to replace hurt, anger and sadness. Through God, you can survive and thrive, as you find the strength and courage to make healthy choices.
Start by considering frank, positive confrontation with your friend. It may create anxiety, and is not always pain-free or comfortable, but it is a constructive way to appeal to your friend in faith, hope and love, as the Apostle Paul instructs. (I Cor.13)
“The Art of Confrontation”…what you can do:
Lastly, please remember that it is God’s desire to comfort you. As written in Hebrews 4:16: (NAS) “…let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
I hope that this excerpt from my book Friendship Interrupted (Chapter Three: Anguish) has been helpful to you. Friendship Interrupted Paperback and Kindle editions at: http://www.amazon.com/
Judy Dippel, an author, freelance commercial writer, and speaker since 2003, has a passion to share with women how they can strive towards living out “God’s best” in their lives—she writes and speaks to real women, with real issues, needing real solutions! Married since 1970, she is a mother of two, grandmother of three, and lifelong Oregonian. Most of all, she wants you to know that she feels she will “never arrive and have it all together!” Website: http://www.judydippel.com/