11 Causes of Marriage Difficulties
By Olga Hermans on May 5, 2011
By Olga Hermans –
There is such a great need in this hour that if we who have strong marriages and homes can have vision for helping hurting marriages, our own marriage will even get better. If you have gone through a broken marriage, God can reconstruct your life and either use you to help other people as a single or lead you to remarry. God can rebuild your life so you will avoid making the same mistake that you have made in the past.
Here are some issues that cause difficulties or areas of conflict in the marriage relationship.
1. Pride
James 4:6 says, “God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble.” Pro 16:18 says, Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. A proud person will not receive the grace of God.
We are in a generation now in which many children have grown up in divorced homes. They have gone through tremendous hurts. If they do not receive the ministry of the Holy Spirit, they will enter a marriage relationship with past scars and wounds.
This is an hour for the Church to rise up as never before because of the number of people who are entering marriage from a very different perspective. We are in a materialistic, selfish generation. When you get two selfish people together, you have war. They want to grab, they want to get and they want their own way. In fact, they demand it.
Not one of us is exempt from pride or demanding our own way in certain area of life. We need to pray, “Lord, I humble myself.” To compromise God’s Word is wrong, but there is a time when a marriage partner must give in to the other individual. In a family relationship, compromise demands that you give a little and you find a place of common ground.
2. Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness can cause great difficulty in marriages and families and it is really tied in with pride.
In Mark 11:25 the Lord says, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
Isn’t it wonderful that we can be forgiven? “….though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; through they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool” Is.1:18
Some couples keep score and they can do an instant replay on things that have happened over the last 25 years. Sometimes in marriage, the husband hits the hurt button that charges his wife, or the wife hits the anger button that charges her husband and suddenly the replay is on.
3. Unmatured Fruit
One of the problems in marriage and family is that we have majored on everything but the fruit of the Spirit. You can go to any junior college or university and get a degree, but where can you go and get a degree in the joy of the Lord? The peace of God? The love, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?
Which degree will bring the most lasting results in life? If there is somebody who is joyful in the home, it will bring healing. Somebody who is longsuffering and has the peace of God in a relationship will bring healing to marriage difficulties. Can you imagine a family where the husband, wife and children are all walking in the love of God? They have the fruit of love.
4. Spiritual Maturity
Spiritual maturity really goes hand in hand with allowing the fruit of the Holy Spirit to mature in the human spirit. In your marriage relationship, if one of you has depth that is more spiritual and maturity than the other, do not become so super spiritual that you hinder the growth of your mate. Encourage them, speak words of faith to them, and frame them with the Word of God.
Many times husbands draw back in a shell because the wife becomes outspoken concerning the things of the Spirit of God. It is God desire that you minister to your mate and love them on their level. This may require you to go to ball games or fellowship with them where they are, but if you do not reject them, shove them out and make them feel put down and less than you, they will come alongside spiritually.
5. Jealousy
Jealousy is another area of conflict in marriage. Pro 14:30 (AMP) says, “A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones”.
Do not give place to jealousy in your life. Jealousy is a result of insecurity. If you have had jealous feelings about your mate or anyone else, ask God to remove the feelings from your life. Ask Him to heal you. Go to the Word of God, find all the scriptures on that area, and begin to confess them over yourself: “I am not jealous. I am secure in You, Lord Jesus. I walk in the love of God.”
6. Criticizing Your Mate In Front Of Family And Relatives
When you tell your mother and father negative things about your mate, they will never forget. Later on in life, when you go through a difficult time in your marriage, your family will remember the negative things you spoke against your partner. They will bring them to attention: “Remember, he did this and she didn’t do that!”
7. Criticizing Your Mate In Public
Another area of conflict is criticizing your mate in public; it is one of the most destructive things that can happen in marriage, whether it is an open attack or subtle sarcasm. It is a tremendous commitment to make – never to put down or to cut down. Everyone may be laughing about your mate because of the real cute word that you said, but inside, you are destroying your relationship. You are destroying your intimacy. God tells us to speak words that edify and build up.
8. Nagging
Pro 27:15 says, “a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike”. This is referring to nagging. Women tend to nag more than men do, but men are quite capable of nagging, too. If you present yourself in a peaceful way, God will take care of you, but nagging will get you nowhere.
9. Being “long” On Words
Pro 10:19 says, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking: but he that refrains his lips is wise”. In other words, with a multitude of words is sin.
It is important to pray before you confront your mate about something. You need to pray in the Spirit, asking that the Lord will help you come across with a positive, loving attitude. Too many times, people who are honest and frank, but who don’t pray before they confront, stir up more strife.
It is like the pendulum that swings two ways. On one side, the person will never open up and be honest enough to say anything to the other partner and on the other side the person is totally honest, open and frank about everything. However, they stir up strife because they do not know how to walk in a balance and share at the right time. There is a time to share and there is a way to share.
10. Don’t Try To Be Your Mate’s Holy Spirit!
Do not try to squeeze your mate into the mold of what you think he or she should be. The Holy Spirit is well able to do that. Romans 12:2 in the J.B Phillips translation says: ”do not let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God re-make you so that your whole attitude of mind is changed. Thus, you will prove in practice that the will of God is good, acceptable to him and perfect”.
11. Demonic Spirits Have Been Released Against Marriages
I do not think most people are aware of the demonic spirits that have been released against marriages. Many people do not know how to pray with authority or how to resist the devil. After you have humbled yourself in the sight of the Lord and submitted yourself to God, you are to ….Resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7).
The devil attacks and destroys marriages and some people end up saying, “I don’t know what happened.” The demonic spirits that are attacking marriages must be dealt with in prayer.
Olga Hermans is the visionary behind The Choice Driven Life. She likes to help people experience their God-given right to choose their Destiny. God has given everybody the gift of a FREE will; it is up to us to make the right choices to live the good life that has been preordained for us. She has graduated from VBI Tulsa together with her husband to found Destiny Bible school in Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
You can reach Olga at: [email protected], website: http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com/.
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