Transitioning From One Stage of Life to Another…Gracefully

I suppose 63 years of age is as good a time as any to embrace and celebrate transition to a senior citizen, or elder as we are referred to in many cultures. Yet older women in our modern life are often dismissed as weak, incompetent, unattractive, and irrelevant. Being a grandmother is incredibly special. And I love my senior discounts. However, the natural experience of aging is difficult, and many times not graceful at all. 

The identity of a woman over 50

Not so long ago, I (and my 50-something-year-old ego) recoiled from any suggestion that my looks, health, and mental or physical capacities might be even a tiny bit less than or no longer what they once were. Then last year, I slipped on ice and was knocked unconscious. I am still recovering, one year later. My husband and many friends are having knee and hip surgeries. We hear a steady stream of news about those we love being ill or dying. Like the flip of a switch, I was in a different stage of life, and there was no turning back. Simply to have arrived at this place – in my mid-60s – feels like an accomplishment! Each new morning is a gift. How best can I align myself with what increasingly feels fleeting, precious, even sacred?

Studying for a doctorate

While studying for a doctorate degree and learning about Indigenous communities and culture from Native American friends, I observed a common trait among traditional elders. A deep spirituality influenced every aspect of their lives. With clarity and knowledge, they instilled respect for the natural world. All living things were honored as relatives. In equal measure, the invisible world of spirits and ancestors merited respect. Elder Buddhist mentors guided me in mindfulness and the intelligence of bringing loving-kindness to each life experience. Emphasis was placed on finding peace in the eternal comings and goings of all things. 

Transitioning from my mid-40s

When I reached my mid-40s, I found myself devastated by deep physical and emotional pain. In a crucible moment, I surrendered everything and followed a calling. I left behind my city life as an academic on the East Coast and moved to begin a different life in rural Montana. The next five years would become a radical rite of passage into my 50s. In my new book called Elk Love: A Montana Memoir, I describe what happened; the alchemy of a transformative journey that changes one forever. 

One year after arriving in Montana, I came to know a bereaved man on his isolated ranch, surrounded by National Forest wilderness. Every part of me began to slow down. I sought out experiences of beauty and wonder. With curiosity and an open heart, I began listening carefully into the silence. Through remarkable experiences – elk bugling, birds dancing, cows calving – I found tenderness, humility, awe, and gratitude. I was calmer, responding instead of reacting. I was more patient and tolerant. Standing knee-deep in the flow of life, everything felt authentic, bracing, and pure. Everything had a life of its own and was inter-connected, just as I’d been taught! 

Roles of the wiser older generation

Perhaps stepping into our role as elders has less to do with age and more to do with a readiness to see and move beyond ourselves. The first half of my life was about gathering knowledge. Now, I am fascinated by what is unknowable. I am devoted to appreciating the spirit and curious energy of things: the swell in my heart as a granddaughter speaks with passion about the same field of study I felt passion for long ago; the wagging tail of my dog’s constant love; the pine and honey fragrance of springtime’s cottonwood sap as buds prepare to open; the furry warmth of my horses ears, how light moves and changes across mountain hillsides; the wonder of two hundred finches who gather around me each day to voice gratitude as I pour seed in feeders; the touch of my husband’s hands and the love in his eyes, asking: are you ok? 

Being older, I’m better at trusting life. The beauty of this world is more than enough. My capacity to love and be loved keeps expanding. This gift of presence is full of grace. I am beyond grateful to be here, now.

LivingBetter50 is a magazine for women over 50, offering an over 50  magazine free download for women of spirit!