When Dan slapped Wendy for the first time, both of them were shocked. But after it happened repeatedly Wendy saw that there was a typical cycle. Here’s some information every woman needs.
The abuse cycle has seven stages that can be tracked by women in abusive relationships. They are also recognized by those who counsel with them (To be fair, a percentage of men are abused by women but for this post I will refer to the man as the abusive partner.)
1. Rising tension, irritability, fault-finding, and anger often precedes verbal, physical, and other forms of abuse (see the first post on this topic). This attack is intended to assert power and control.
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2. Guilt often follows, particularly at first. There are apologies, promises never to do it again, giving of gifts. Later this typically diminishes when he sees that his partner is willing to stay. He fears others might discover his behavior so threatens his wife if she tells “their” secret.
3. He rationalizes and justifies his behavior by saying it was her fault. Often she believes this and makes excuses for him: he was tired, dinner wasn’t ready, she’s not meeting his needs. She rationalizes that he’s really nice except for those occasions when he’s out of control.
4. Between abusive episodes, the appearance is often given by both partners that everything is normal between them. Because of shame, fear, or love, both act as if nothing happened.
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5. When the tension mounts again, the abuser starts to build a case by focusing on what he doesn’t like and how he’s justified in asserting his power again.
6. At this point he starts planning when and where to show who is in control. He considers what situation would create the desired effect.
7. He sets up the situation to attack, often escalating from verbal and emotional destructive behaviors to physical and sexual.
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DOES A MAN HAVE ANY SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO ATTACK HIS WIFE? NO!
Christ told men to love their wives as He loves the church and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:25-33
IT IS ALSO AGAINST THE LAW TO ASSAULT ANYONE.
Question: Is there someone you could share these posts with on domestic violence? Prayerfully ask God how He wants you to use this information so others can experience God’s love for them.
If you need help, call a trusted friend or pastor, or your local women’s shelter.
Blessings and strength to you,
Originally Posted on: Poppy Smith Inspiring Women to Thrive
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1 thought on “The Cycle of Abuse… and a Question: Does a Christian Husband Have the Right?”
After the second slap, “Wendy” should have obtained a restraining order, consulted a lawyer and filed separation papers. Counseling only after the aforementioned has occurred; rarely does an abuser change their ways and it’s not worth your life, nor the lives of any children involved, to “stay and work it out”. If the husband wants to work it out, he’ll instigate counseling for anger management and then marital counseling. The wife has full authority to go to her husband’s choice of counselor OR to seek her own.
No one, female or male, should live in a dangerous situation. The first slap, push against the wall, etc. is the first sign of a relationship that’s going to be increasingly abusive.