Happy Mother’s Day…Happy Valentine’s Day…Happy Father’s Day…Happy? Really? NOT if you aren’t married, in a loving relationship, or a parent!
Oh, how I remember so well all those Mother’s Days I dreaded. Flashback: twelve years ago. I downright despised all the jovial moms having cause for celebration and showing off their pictures with cute babies. Every little handmade trinket I saw hanging on a refrigerator door only served to remind me of my lack.
And don’t get me started on receiving invitations to baby showers…OMG – especially from a gal much younger than me that wasn’t even married…and we’re supposed to celebrate and bring gifts? Surely the list maker of invitations to this party didn’t consider it very well. Oh, I think I was told that I should have been grateful to be included and that “they” thought it would be better to invite me than leave me off the list…No, please just exclude me from this kind of merriment.
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Do you get the picture I was just a tad bit bitter? I guess after ten years of wanting and trying to have a baby, three miscarriages, tons of money spent on doctor bills with infertility that insurance did not cover, two surgeries and a failed adoption, I felt I had a right to be bitter. Add in a husband who simply could not relate to the toll taken on my body physically and emotionally, and who had his own issues with loss to deal with, mix in a sex life that revolved around ovulation, and you’ve got one hot and bothered wild thang looking for a fight to pick.
Now this southern Baptist raised good-girl was taught that God had a plan for everything and that during the trials of life you are to “rejoice”. Well, can I just be honest and say how I really felt? Screw that, life sucks, it isn’t fair AND rejoicing while bleeding for 25 days straight wasn’t the answer that consoled me. However, because I did hide God’s word in my heart and had “other” scriptures come to mind during those difficult years, I was able to cling to some promises that kept me future focused. I also began to find that caring about others and meeting their needs made mine slowly fade. I wasn’t able to rejoice in my pain – both heart and body pain – but I DID rejoice with others in their gain. I shifted my attention from what wasn’t happening for me, to what WAS…and I became very grateful! Advice I would give anyone going through a terribly difficult time of loss: Stay active, Involve yourself with others, Get some accountability, Serve! Grieve, yes…then get up and move forward. You must rest in hope that “this too shall pass”. Things do not come to stay – they come to pass…the good and the bad!
So this Sunday, as I reflect back to having my first daughter, Mackenzie ten years ago last month I will never forget that first Mother’s Day of elated, ecstatic joy that I experienced. I am ever so grateful to share in that celebratory act with other moms around the world this weekend. There’s nothing like the joy and exhaustion, the challenge and the satisfaction of being a mom. Oh how I love watching the crisalis grow its wings and push out of the cocoon…yet I know a day is coming when your wings will take you away. Though I carried you in my belly, I will always hold you in my heart!
I will also remember…the pain. If you’re not yet a mom and want to be – hold on to hope! Disappointment can either keep you down and out, or help you grow roots. HAPPY Mother’s Day!
Originally posted on Naked to Knockout.
1 thought on “A Mother’s Reflection… In My Own Words”
Oh how I can relate…and now at 53 while watching my oldest daughter (we were finally blessed through adoption after one failed attempt) getting ready to graduate I am overwhelmed with emotion on Mother’s Day – which is still one of my least favorite days of the year.
Donna
anotherbattlewon.blogspot.com