By Heather Duzan –
#1 – The Law of Respecting Differences
He likes solitude, she likes parties
He likes simple, she likes challenging
He likes to plan, she likes spontaneity
He likes to save “for a rainy day.”
She likes to spend “what if you die before it rains?”
If this looks like your relationship in some varied form – this is the Law of Attraction at work…attraction of Opposites that is. Ever wonder how you ended up with someone so completely different than you? Some days you may even wonder, “What was I thinking?”
Courtship behaviors are always quite different than married behaviors. We tend to put our best foot forward when we are dating and not really mention critical information like how you actually prefer to spend Sunday. For example, you used to play in the park and drink mochas on Sundays, but you really prefer to spend Sundays lying on the couch, drinking beer and watching football. Conversely, when you were dating you loved to accompany him to the basketball game on Friday nights, but you prefer to stay home, watch a movie and eat popcorn. These are preferences that are perfectly acceptable but not necessarily compatible.
Preferences are a part of our personality. As these differences or preferences begin to emerge, they can create conflict and ensuing discontent. Here is where right and wrong, good and bad evaluations begin. These judgments come from our personality, rules and cultures of our family of origin, our previous life experiences that shape us. “My mother never made sticky spaghetti noodles.” Preferences are neither right nor wrong – they are just different.
The Law of Respecting Differences says that everyone has their own unique point of view, interests, problem solving methods. Although we might disagree, we honor the relationship by respectful words and wisdom. Rather than blame and criticize, we accept that the point the other is making is important to them.
Rather than say, “You are wrong,” you say “Here is how I see it” or “My viewpoint is…” If your differences have to do with values, ethics and character, you may need some support in a process of reconciling such differences.
When it comes to doing life together, sometimes you have to join the beer swiggin’, chip dippin’, referee abusin’ football game with him; sometimes, you go outside to play, but those preferences are honored and worked out through the Law of Negotiation
We are different and it is okay.
Heather Duzan is an accomplished speaker, author, coach and Harley Chick. Latest books, “Faith Lessons” and soon-to-be-published, “The Warrior Wife.” Leave a message for Heather through her website www.maritalblissuniversity.com/contact.