Excerpt By Andrea Fairbairn, The Joy Assignment www.thejoyassignment.com –
I was diagnosed with breast cancer on my 39th birthday in 2007. Being my birthday is kind of beside the point but in retrospect I think is symbolic of the birth of a new way of life.
In 2007, the prognosis was not that great. One oncologist said that I had a 10% chance of surviving 10 years without treatment. I accepted the treatment – surgery, 6 months of chemo, 6 weeks of radiotherapy, hormone therapy and a year of Herceptin.
I was doing cancer treatment as I turned 40. When I hear people talking about not wanting to turn 40, I just know that they don’t get it. They don’t get that you are lucky to get older.
I then went on a recovery path and gradually started to get my old self and energy back. I had a holiday in Brazil and felt my spark return. 3 years after diagnosis, I remember feeling that I was finally back in to life. I was going to the gym, working full time and about to head overseas to live. I felt good.
On April 19, 2011, I was diagnosed with a new breast cancer. I was surprised as I felt so healthy. I had a mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgeries, and started to prepare for chemo. The following is the first entry in my Chemo Diary.
My Chemo Diary
Never say never, 1 month prior to chemo
AUGUST 6, 2011 1 C
Last week was a challenge. I seemed to have one step forward and two steps backward. It would have been better to stay still in one place the whole week. I think the last few months were just getting to me. Since April 19 and my breast cancer diagnosis, life has been an emotional roller coaster. And it does feel like a LOT all of a sudden.
Also, I was dreading going to the oncology appointment on Thursday. In the end, I went on my own as I thought that was just easier…
The oncologist was very thorough and helpful. She informed me that the tumor was HER2+ which means it is more aggressive. That sucks as it means that…we do need to be safe not sorry in the approach. So the oncologist recommended 3 months of chemotherapy called CMF (named after the initials of the chemo drugs used, i.e. cyclophosphamide, methotrexate and fluorouracil) plus a year of Herceptin.
Obviously, this is not how I saw my year heading ‘and’ I have always said, I would never do chemo again as the last experience was so awful (coupled with the fact that I still have some of the side effects from last time e.g. nerve damage). But as they say, never say never. After a headache, many tears and a bit of depression, I must say that I don’t want to do chemo again. But that does not mean that I don’t need it. After looking at logical criteria for decision making, my main deciding factor is that I don’t want a regret i.e. in five years’ time, if the cancer came back, I would really regret not having done chemo.
My oncologist said that CMF would be milder than the last lot of chemo drugs I had in the past such as AC (AC is a combination of two chemo drugs Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide) plus Dosetaxel. I will not feel as sick or lose my hair completely like last time. She also said that if it affected me too much, I could stop after 1 treatment and just do the Herceptin (though there is not much research on the Herceptin-only regime).
It is only 12 weeks I have to conclude. 4 treatments, each of 21 days and that is only 84 days. With that in mind, I now want it over and done with as quickly as possible so I can have that side of things finished by Christmas.
The year of Herceptin is another matter entirely. It only takes half an hour to administer and is generally easily tolerated. For me, usually just a dull headache and tiredness. The issue of finding veins is quite problematic too as I don’t have many good ones. It makes things harder than need be but is really common on this side of the cancer journey. All the blood tests and needles just cause so many issues.
So all of this stuff leaves me in another dilemma – work. So what will I do?
Last time, I worked as much as I could during chemo and said I wouldn’t do that again. So I guess I will take that time off but how I support myself financially is another question and for another week. I just don’t know yet.
It has been an awful few days but I begrudgingly have to admit that things could be worse and that many people do have things a lot worse. However, I still am not okay about all of this and this is the challenge over the next weeks. Not that anyone is ever happy to do chemo but the goal is to be at peace with it at least.
Thanks to all the friends and family who’ve assisted me through this decision making journey.
Andrea Fairbairn, mastectomy and chemotherapy survivor. Andrea’s education background includes Psychology and International Development which lead her into a career of international aid and development. Her experience includes assisting children and youth in Azerbaijan and Brazil through her work with United Nations as well as aiding Pacific nations through her work with New Zealand Foreign Affairs. Although passionate about her work, it had to be put on hold as she began her journey through chemo. Having been so focused on her career this challenged her to assess what she valued.
1 thought on “Chemo and Back Again”
In 1990 at the age of 34 I also was given a 10% chance of surviving 10yrs, I was stage 2. So I had chemo and radiation. And chemo again for a reaccurance in 1994. (I had a mastetomy) and here I am still fighting the fight as stage 4,(mets to lung,2012). Keep the faith,keep fighting..treatments have come a long way for the good..